When attempting to tackle a concept as large and unwieldy as the human condition, one cannot overstate the importance of adequately defining terms and rendering the discussion in as discrete and manageable a fashion as possible. But while that may sound simple enough, such points of interest are by definition broad as well as highly integrative, and attempting to more fully and precisely explain them is understandably problematic. Still, ‘difficult’ tasks should not be mistaken for ‘impossible’ ones, as the component pieces of even the most cumbersomely complex and abstract of wholes remain susceptible to more rigorous and definite forms of examination.
With all that said, this in no way contends that the totality of human experience somehow lends itself to pithy encapsulation. It is clearly not some type of perfectly reducible phenomenon, and treating it as such is an excellent way to spin one's introspective wheels. However, that fact does not preclude more selective scrutiny, even when such quasi-philosophical examinations remain incapable of meeting the rigidly empirical burden of proof demanded from the hard(er) sciences. In both academic and practical terms, teasing apart and elucidating the intricacies of the greater conceptual whole can oftentimes help to demystify the sum of its parts.
So, why all the exposition? On the one hand, I rather enjoy thinking about and discussing these kinds of things, and writing is a helpful way of ordering my thoughts. It also seemed as though some explanatory groundwork ought to be laid before launching into any terribly ambitious (series of) musings, and the above will perhaps also provide some justification for my piecemeal approach to assessment (the incremental nature of all blogging notwithstanding). Still, the purpose of this post is not to sing the praises of reductionist reasoning, although I'm clearly a fan; rather, the preceding serves as something of an overwrought segue to discussing this post's namesake subject: self-worth.
The way we conceive of ourselves reverberates in our every perception as well as action, and those valuations invariably embolden or constrain us accordingly. These self-assessing interplays are dynamic as well as self-sustaining--e.g., we're told that confidence begets greater confidence just as much as insecurity is a festering psycho-emotional wound that will only worsen if left untreated. Yet, even the example of confidence (or the lack thereof) remains a direct outgrowth of the value we place upon ourselves, both in a generalized as well as domain-specific sense, and improving upon that appraisal's many offshoots necessitates a more foundational type of attention.
The mere idea of such self-service at any level initially possesses a decidedly ambiguous quality, and working to genuinely recast one's own self-image in a more positive and enabling light promises to be even more so. This is particularly true for those who are disinclined towards what may tend to be seen as undue self-aggrandizement or even outright egotism, and for the "hopelessly modest" amongst us--of which I consider myself to be a card-carrying member--doing so in an even limited sense often feels awkward or disingenuous (or worse). Now, this is not to be confused with actively deluding oneself, which is at best a stop-gap solution to an essentially systemic problem. Other, less delusory forms of self-talk are clearly effective (and even warranted) under certain circumstances, but they too must be firmly grounded in reality to be healthy and of any lasting benefit.
The question then becomes of what practical use any of the above really is, particularly since much of it surely appears to be little more than a vacuous rehashing of "pop self-help." Acknowledging the need to shore up one's self-image is certainly nothing new, and the many benefits to doing so are equally evident. But the "how" of the process seems much more elusive, and while I imagine that this too is far from wholly original, one possible remedy lies in the aforementioned piecemeal approach to self-examination: identify that which is "quintessentially you"--i.e., those constructively unique traits that meaningfully distinguish you from others--and work from there. This is not an excuse to indulge in banal comparisons or otherwise exacerbate prior inclinations towards self-deprecation; instead, identify at least one or two things that really set you apart from the crowd and then proceed to revel in them.
Exactly what these things are is largely unimportant, so long as they are personally significant. Literally anything from more conventional fandoms to the weirdest, most endearing and idiosyncratic minutia is fair game: it could be a flair for Italian cooking, a love of board games, an affinity for Bach, or whatever else. This kind of authentic and uncompromising "celebration of self" can then serve as an anchor of sorts--an entirely different kind of foundation to build upon, if you will--since any such attempts at personal elevation are doomed to fail if we cannot truly and unabashedly enjoy those things which most centrally define us.
Perhaps this suggestion appears facile or even cliché at first blush, but I think it has considerable pragmatic value. Zeroing in on these kinds of things in particular allows for a more honest assessment of what one actually values and enjoys, but at the same time it also displaces many of the self-deprecating tendencies that promote and then sustain poor self-image. I apologize to any whom I unknowingly plagiarize in saying this, but to truly value each other we must first value ourselves. This is neither conceit nor narcissistic preoccupation, but it is an acknowledgment that we are all exceptional in myriad ways, and only a recognition and genuine appreciation of those qualities can serve as a stable basis for one's professional as well as personal pursuits.
With all that said, this in no way contends that the totality of human experience somehow lends itself to pithy encapsulation. It is clearly not some type of perfectly reducible phenomenon, and treating it as such is an excellent way to spin one's introspective wheels. However, that fact does not preclude more selective scrutiny, even when such quasi-philosophical examinations remain incapable of meeting the rigidly empirical burden of proof demanded from the hard(er) sciences. In both academic and practical terms, teasing apart and elucidating the intricacies of the greater conceptual whole can oftentimes help to demystify the sum of its parts.
So, why all the exposition? On the one hand, I rather enjoy thinking about and discussing these kinds of things, and writing is a helpful way of ordering my thoughts. It also seemed as though some explanatory groundwork ought to be laid before launching into any terribly ambitious (series of) musings, and the above will perhaps also provide some justification for my piecemeal approach to assessment (the incremental nature of all blogging notwithstanding). Still, the purpose of this post is not to sing the praises of reductionist reasoning, although I'm clearly a fan; rather, the preceding serves as something of an overwrought segue to discussing this post's namesake subject: self-worth.
The way we conceive of ourselves reverberates in our every perception as well as action, and those valuations invariably embolden or constrain us accordingly. These self-assessing interplays are dynamic as well as self-sustaining--e.g., we're told that confidence begets greater confidence just as much as insecurity is a festering psycho-emotional wound that will only worsen if left untreated. Yet, even the example of confidence (or the lack thereof) remains a direct outgrowth of the value we place upon ourselves, both in a generalized as well as domain-specific sense, and improving upon that appraisal's many offshoots necessitates a more foundational type of attention.
The mere idea of such self-service at any level initially possesses a decidedly ambiguous quality, and working to genuinely recast one's own self-image in a more positive and enabling light promises to be even more so. This is particularly true for those who are disinclined towards what may tend to be seen as undue self-aggrandizement or even outright egotism, and for the "hopelessly modest" amongst us--of which I consider myself to be a card-carrying member--doing so in an even limited sense often feels awkward or disingenuous (or worse). Now, this is not to be confused with actively deluding oneself, which is at best a stop-gap solution to an essentially systemic problem. Other, less delusory forms of self-talk are clearly effective (and even warranted) under certain circumstances, but they too must be firmly grounded in reality to be healthy and of any lasting benefit.
The question then becomes of what practical use any of the above really is, particularly since much of it surely appears to be little more than a vacuous rehashing of "pop self-help." Acknowledging the need to shore up one's self-image is certainly nothing new, and the many benefits to doing so are equally evident. But the "how" of the process seems much more elusive, and while I imagine that this too is far from wholly original, one possible remedy lies in the aforementioned piecemeal approach to self-examination: identify that which is "quintessentially you"--i.e., those constructively unique traits that meaningfully distinguish you from others--and work from there. This is not an excuse to indulge in banal comparisons or otherwise exacerbate prior inclinations towards self-deprecation; instead, identify at least one or two things that really set you apart from the crowd and then proceed to revel in them.
Exactly what these things are is largely unimportant, so long as they are personally significant. Literally anything from more conventional fandoms to the weirdest, most endearing and idiosyncratic minutia is fair game: it could be a flair for Italian cooking, a love of board games, an affinity for Bach, or whatever else. This kind of authentic and uncompromising "celebration of self" can then serve as an anchor of sorts--an entirely different kind of foundation to build upon, if you will--since any such attempts at personal elevation are doomed to fail if we cannot truly and unabashedly enjoy those things which most centrally define us.
Perhaps this suggestion appears facile or even cliché at first blush, but I think it has considerable pragmatic value. Zeroing in on these kinds of things in particular allows for a more honest assessment of what one actually values and enjoys, but at the same time it also displaces many of the self-deprecating tendencies that promote and then sustain poor self-image. I apologize to any whom I unknowingly plagiarize in saying this, but to truly value each other we must first value ourselves. This is neither conceit nor narcissistic preoccupation, but it is an acknowledgment that we are all exceptional in myriad ways, and only a recognition and genuine appreciation of those qualities can serve as a stable basis for one's professional as well as personal pursuits.
1 comment:
There have been times in my life where I have been told to "get some self-confidence," "buck up," and "grow thicker skin." Alternatively, once I painstakingly did all those things over the course of my twenties, I have been accused of being self-centered, too independent, and even narcissistic. These are all bad traits for a woman to have, allegedly. Yet who in the world, man or woman, gets by with the respect of others (let alone with self-respect)if they do not value their individual contribution to life? Somehow, in the face of those less willing to confront the challenge of self-discovery, a woman who has done the work to figure out who she is (although that is arguably a life-long endeavor) and what she wants is a self-centered egoist - a bitch. Perhaps one of the most painful aspects of individuation is severing from others. And that is precisely what we all must do. Once we cut ourselves from the expectations and mores that guide us - often mindlessly but sometimes for the better as much as for the worse - we can be free to "get" ourselves. Whatever that means and whatever form it takes.
Does that mean to truly value ourself and grow as a person means to live in isolation? Never. The person who "gets" themself is the only person who can really be with others. How can you really be a part of others if you have no understanding of who it is that has something to offer?
My twenties was painful, and in ways my thirties continue to be, but I would not have it any other way. I feel free for the first time. I feel free in complete satisfaction with those I choose to associate with who care about me and I about them. It is quite remarkable and I couldn't have fathomed it a mere five years ago.
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