As has probably been obvious for some years now, I am no longer maintaining this blog. In truth, it has served its purpose for me – that is, as a prolonged post-accident writing exercise that restored confidence in my mental faculties, and also as a way to chronicle my experiences in a format that could perhaps be helpful to others that are in similarly choppy waters.
No further updates will follow this post, although I plan to leave IAM exactly as you see it now – broken links and all.
My reasons for doing so are various – pride, sentimental attachment, and macabre reflection all come to mind – but I think the biggest, most substantive reason is to serve as a reminder of how important it is to never let up, regardless of how hard something is.
I'm largely reassembled now, but I still have issues. Some of those issues will be with me until the day I die, while there are others that I still have hopes of rectifying in the coming months or years – a familiar line, I know, but a sustaining one nonetheless.
I struggle even now, as I write this, with deciding what this blog's final words should be. You can find pithy maxims in earlier posts – and some even of my own devising, huzzah! – but ending in that fashion feels wrong to me. Instead, I leave you with this final rant and a submission of mine from several years back:
Life is hard, and frequently far harder than it should be. Misfortune rarely checks the ledgers to determine if the person whose day it is about to ruin in any way "deserves" such a fate, much like Lady Luck frequently dispenses her boons in a fashion that is anything but equitable. But I ask, so fucking what?
How it didn't or shouldn't have happened isn't the operative issue here. Instead, the only question actually worth asking and answering is, "what will you do now?"
Everyone copes with adversity in different ways, and my place is not to instill in you the "right" or "correct" means of doing so. But I implore you: whether for yourself, your loved ones, or even the causes and ideologies that animate you, dig deep and figure out the answer to that question for yourself
This I believe.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Thursday, January 29, 2009
On Self-Worth
When attempting to tackle a concept as large and unwieldy as the human condition, one cannot overstate the importance of adequately defining terms and rendering the discussion in as discrete and manageable a fashion as possible. But while that may sound simple enough, such points of interest are by definition broad as well as highly integrative, and attempting to more fully and precisely explain them is understandably problematic. Still, ‘difficult’ tasks should not be mistaken for ‘impossible’ ones, as the component pieces of even the most cumbersomely complex and abstract of wholes remain susceptible to more rigorous and definite forms of examination.
With all that said, this in no way contends that the totality of human experience somehow lends itself to pithy encapsulation. It is clearly not some type of perfectly reducible phenomenon, and treating it as such is an excellent way to spin one's introspective wheels. However, that fact does not preclude more selective scrutiny, even when such quasi-philosophical examinations remain incapable of meeting the rigidly empirical burden of proof demanded from the hard(er) sciences. In both academic and practical terms, teasing apart and elucidating the intricacies of the greater conceptual whole can oftentimes help to demystify the sum of its parts.
So, why all the exposition? On the one hand, I rather enjoy thinking about and discussing these kinds of things, and writing is a helpful way of ordering my thoughts. It also seemed as though some explanatory groundwork ought to be laid before launching into any terribly ambitious (series of) musings, and the above will perhaps also provide some justification for my piecemeal approach to assessment (the incremental nature of all blogging notwithstanding). Still, the purpose of this post is not to sing the praises of reductionist reasoning, although I'm clearly a fan; rather, the preceding serves as something of an overwrought segue to discussing this post's namesake subject: self-worth.
The way we conceive of ourselves reverberates in our every perception as well as action, and those valuations invariably embolden or constrain us accordingly. These self-assessing interplays are dynamic as well as self-sustaining--e.g., we're told that confidence begets greater confidence just as much as insecurity is a festering psycho-emotional wound that will only worsen if left untreated. Yet, even the example of confidence (or the lack thereof) remains a direct outgrowth of the value we place upon ourselves, both in a generalized as well as domain-specific sense, and improving upon that appraisal's many offshoots necessitates a more foundational type of attention.
The mere idea of such self-service at any level initially possesses a decidedly ambiguous quality, and working to genuinely recast one's own self-image in a more positive and enabling light promises to be even more so. This is particularly true for those who are disinclined towards what may tend to be seen as undue self-aggrandizement or even outright egotism, and for the "hopelessly modest" amongst us--of which I consider myself to be a card-carrying member--doing so in an even limited sense often feels awkward or disingenuous (or worse). Now, this is not to be confused with actively deluding oneself, which is at best a stop-gap solution to an essentially systemic problem. Other, less delusory forms of self-talk are clearly effective (and even warranted) under certain circumstances, but they too must be firmly grounded in reality to be healthy and of any lasting benefit.
The question then becomes of what practical use any of the above really is, particularly since much of it surely appears to be little more than a vacuous rehashing of "pop self-help." Acknowledging the need to shore up one's self-image is certainly nothing new, and the many benefits to doing so are equally evident. But the "how" of the process seems much more elusive, and while I imagine that this too is far from wholly original, one possible remedy lies in the aforementioned piecemeal approach to self-examination: identify that which is "quintessentially you"--i.e., those constructively unique traits that meaningfully distinguish you from others--and work from there. This is not an excuse to indulge in banal comparisons or otherwise exacerbate prior inclinations towards self-deprecation; instead, identify at least one or two things that really set you apart from the crowd and then proceed to revel in them.
Exactly what these things are is largely unimportant, so long as they are personally significant. Literally anything from more conventional fandoms to the weirdest, most endearing and idiosyncratic minutia is fair game: it could be a flair for Italian cooking, a love of board games, an affinity for Bach, or whatever else. This kind of authentic and uncompromising "celebration of self" can then serve as an anchor of sorts--an entirely different kind of foundation to build upon, if you will--since any such attempts at personal elevation are doomed to fail if we cannot truly and unabashedly enjoy those things which most centrally define us.
Perhaps this suggestion appears facile or even cliché at first blush, but I think it has considerable pragmatic value. Zeroing in on these kinds of things in particular allows for a more honest assessment of what one actually values and enjoys, but at the same time it also displaces many of the self-deprecating tendencies that promote and then sustain poor self-image. I apologize to any whom I unknowingly plagiarize in saying this, but to truly value each other we must first value ourselves. This is neither conceit nor narcissistic preoccupation, but it is an acknowledgment that we are all exceptional in myriad ways, and only a recognition and genuine appreciation of those qualities can serve as a stable basis for one's professional as well as personal pursuits.
With all that said, this in no way contends that the totality of human experience somehow lends itself to pithy encapsulation. It is clearly not some type of perfectly reducible phenomenon, and treating it as such is an excellent way to spin one's introspective wheels. However, that fact does not preclude more selective scrutiny, even when such quasi-philosophical examinations remain incapable of meeting the rigidly empirical burden of proof demanded from the hard(er) sciences. In both academic and practical terms, teasing apart and elucidating the intricacies of the greater conceptual whole can oftentimes help to demystify the sum of its parts.
So, why all the exposition? On the one hand, I rather enjoy thinking about and discussing these kinds of things, and writing is a helpful way of ordering my thoughts. It also seemed as though some explanatory groundwork ought to be laid before launching into any terribly ambitious (series of) musings, and the above will perhaps also provide some justification for my piecemeal approach to assessment (the incremental nature of all blogging notwithstanding). Still, the purpose of this post is not to sing the praises of reductionist reasoning, although I'm clearly a fan; rather, the preceding serves as something of an overwrought segue to discussing this post's namesake subject: self-worth.
The way we conceive of ourselves reverberates in our every perception as well as action, and those valuations invariably embolden or constrain us accordingly. These self-assessing interplays are dynamic as well as self-sustaining--e.g., we're told that confidence begets greater confidence just as much as insecurity is a festering psycho-emotional wound that will only worsen if left untreated. Yet, even the example of confidence (or the lack thereof) remains a direct outgrowth of the value we place upon ourselves, both in a generalized as well as domain-specific sense, and improving upon that appraisal's many offshoots necessitates a more foundational type of attention.
The mere idea of such self-service at any level initially possesses a decidedly ambiguous quality, and working to genuinely recast one's own self-image in a more positive and enabling light promises to be even more so. This is particularly true for those who are disinclined towards what may tend to be seen as undue self-aggrandizement or even outright egotism, and for the "hopelessly modest" amongst us--of which I consider myself to be a card-carrying member--doing so in an even limited sense often feels awkward or disingenuous (or worse). Now, this is not to be confused with actively deluding oneself, which is at best a stop-gap solution to an essentially systemic problem. Other, less delusory forms of self-talk are clearly effective (and even warranted) under certain circumstances, but they too must be firmly grounded in reality to be healthy and of any lasting benefit.
The question then becomes of what practical use any of the above really is, particularly since much of it surely appears to be little more than a vacuous rehashing of "pop self-help." Acknowledging the need to shore up one's self-image is certainly nothing new, and the many benefits to doing so are equally evident. But the "how" of the process seems much more elusive, and while I imagine that this too is far from wholly original, one possible remedy lies in the aforementioned piecemeal approach to self-examination: identify that which is "quintessentially you"--i.e., those constructively unique traits that meaningfully distinguish you from others--and work from there. This is not an excuse to indulge in banal comparisons or otherwise exacerbate prior inclinations towards self-deprecation; instead, identify at least one or two things that really set you apart from the crowd and then proceed to revel in them.
Exactly what these things are is largely unimportant, so long as they are personally significant. Literally anything from more conventional fandoms to the weirdest, most endearing and idiosyncratic minutia is fair game: it could be a flair for Italian cooking, a love of board games, an affinity for Bach, or whatever else. This kind of authentic and uncompromising "celebration of self" can then serve as an anchor of sorts--an entirely different kind of foundation to build upon, if you will--since any such attempts at personal elevation are doomed to fail if we cannot truly and unabashedly enjoy those things which most centrally define us.
Perhaps this suggestion appears facile or even cliché at first blush, but I think it has considerable pragmatic value. Zeroing in on these kinds of things in particular allows for a more honest assessment of what one actually values and enjoys, but at the same time it also displaces many of the self-deprecating tendencies that promote and then sustain poor self-image. I apologize to any whom I unknowingly plagiarize in saying this, but to truly value each other we must first value ourselves. This is neither conceit nor narcissistic preoccupation, but it is an acknowledgment that we are all exceptional in myriad ways, and only a recognition and genuine appreciation of those qualities can serve as a stable basis for one's professional as well as personal pursuits.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Openings Links in New Windows/Tabs
To round out tonight's entirely unrelated pair of postings, this primer helped me restore all of my Noteworthy Links to their classic template behavior, which was to open in new windows or tabs when clicked. Admittedly, this is far removed from my usual blogging fare, but it took me long enough to find this info that I may as well do my part to spread the word.
Also, if you're doing everything exactly right but keep getting an error when trying to preview or save your template, try to make the changes in IE. Although I make such a recommendation very reluctantly, this particular build (3.05) of Firefox may be just a bit touchy. Get in, get out, and get back to your non-Microsoft browser of choice--go go go!
Also, if you're doing everything exactly right but keep getting an error when trying to preview or save your template, try to make the changes in IE. Although I make such a recommendation very reluctantly, this particular build (3.05) of Firefox may be just a bit touchy. Get in, get out, and get back to your non-Microsoft browser of choice--go go go!
A Humorous Aside...
I've got something of a dark sense of humor under even the best of circumstances, so I couldn't resist picking one of these shirts up after spotting them through ArmsControlWonk. To quote Woot's delicious geekiness at some length...
Baby’s Got An Atom Bomb
First of all, no one even really cared about making one until that kid who used to live on the other end of the street sent all his friends to knock over our snowman. You can’t just let that go. We took some time to mourn, sure, but then we got right to work. While our ground troops did their part, our best minds went to work to create a new idea that could decisively end the conflict once and for all.
In hindsight, everyone can wonder if it was moral, but there was no question in our minds then. Thousands of snowballs were saved by our actions, and we forced a complete surrender. We were the kings of the block, no question. But secrets have a way of getting out.
People say all this buildup is for nothing and that we should put that money towards social programs to put carrot noses back on snowmen. And no one is going to say carrot noses aren’t important. But maybe there’s a bigger picture here. Maybe it’s time to worry about what’s best for the Arctic Skeleton Empire as a whole.
***
This shirt was designed by: Steven Lefcourt, who swears to you that he did not trace this image from a photo of some broccoli. Go on, gif it up and check.
Wear this shirt: in winter, of course. Immunity to cold.
Don’t wear this shirt: around clerics of equal or higher level. And some paladins, right? It’s been a while since we played, we might need to look this stuff up.
This shirt tells the world: “There will always be a need for mittens. No matter what.”
We call this color: Wight
In any case, some nerdy post-apocalyptic cheer seems like precisely the right way to ring in the New Year.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Unintended Neglect...
Although I have no delusions regarding the size of my readership, I actually did have several updates slated for the past couple months that never quite came to fruition. Needless to say, my final semester's gamut of paper-writing was far more labor intensive than expected, but I'll try to get back on the rhetorical wagon within the next few weeks. (In case anyone is wondering, a recent Blogger update ate my original template for breakfast, but I'll just leave the formatting as-is in the event that anyone is browsing at 800x600.)
Otherwise, I'm pushing the prospect of grad school to the back burner for now and looking for a job locally. My first (and ideal) avenue of pursuit will actually be with the university I just graduated from, likely in some type of technical and/or office support role, which would eventually serve as an excellent springboard for jumping back into the academic grind in a logistical as well as financial sense (go-go tuition waivers for full-time employees). So, if I don't post again prior to the holiday, be safe and enjoy the three Gs: good food, good times, and good company.
Otherwise, I'm pushing the prospect of grad school to the back burner for now and looking for a job locally. My first (and ideal) avenue of pursuit will actually be with the university I just graduated from, likely in some type of technical and/or office support role, which would eventually serve as an excellent springboard for jumping back into the academic grind in a logistical as well as financial sense (go-go tuition waivers for full-time employees). So, if I don't post again prior to the holiday, be safe and enjoy the three Gs: good food, good times, and good company.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Mini-Update
I'd like to say that I haven't exactly been slacking on the blog, but school has been far from accommodating for a while now. Regardless, I made the yearly visit to my pulmonologist a few months back but neglected to mention that I've officially returned to "normal" pulmonary health. The determination was made via a lung function test, which is conducted in a slick little hermetically sealed capsule that allows for the proper measurement of lung capacity, the rate at which air can be moved to and from the lungs, and even how capable the lungs are at both oxygenating and removing carbon dioxide from the blood. Nifty, eh?
Now, although I'm only sitting at the very bottom (80%) of the normal range for my particular demographic, this has been achieved in spite of the temporary limitations that past injuries have placed on both the intensity and types of exercise I can sustain. In light of this reality and the fact that those constraints are slowly falling by the wayside, I'd say that I'm doing quite well and will be able to make considerable progress in the coming 6-12 months, particularly when I can resume more intensive conditioning protocols sometime next year.
In any case, it will likely be a couple more months before I can return to my martial arts club or begin gradually reintroducing the aforementioned higher intensity stuff, but even the imminent prospect of that "return to form" is quite heartening. I've said it before, but it's worth saying again: nothing worthwhile that we seek to achieve is ever going to be easy, but few things will convey a greater sense of purpose or a more significant degree of mental, emotional, and even spiritual endurance than their avid pursuit.
Now, although I'm only sitting at the very bottom (80%) of the normal range for my particular demographic, this has been achieved in spite of the temporary limitations that past injuries have placed on both the intensity and types of exercise I can sustain. In light of this reality and the fact that those constraints are slowly falling by the wayside, I'd say that I'm doing quite well and will be able to make considerable progress in the coming 6-12 months, particularly when I can resume more intensive conditioning protocols sometime next year.
In any case, it will likely be a couple more months before I can return to my martial arts club or begin gradually reintroducing the aforementioned higher intensity stuff, but even the imminent prospect of that "return to form" is quite heartening. I've said it before, but it's worth saying again: nothing worthwhile that we seek to achieve is ever going to be easy, but few things will convey a greater sense of purpose or a more significant degree of mental, emotional, and even spiritual endurance than their avid pursuit.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Link Updates and Quotations Galore...
I've been overhauling and updating my links section over the past few days, and I feel it's already become substantially more useful. Further revision and additions are all but certain, but I'm still fairly pleased, as the current list certainly has a far more robust and representative feel to it than past iterations. I'll also be continuing the gradual shift away from mere surgical updates and the like, so don't be surprised by my tangential drift as time goes on. Otherwise, lest this post be confused with mere digital housekeeping, allow me to leave off with a few personally motivating quotations:
And a couple longer ones...
"Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself." - Elie Wiesel
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle
"Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power." - Lao Tzu
"The first and the best victory is to conquer self." - Plato
And a couple longer ones...
"Man can learn self-discipline without becoming ascetic; he can be wise without waiting to be old; he can be influential without waiting for status. Man can sharpen his ability to distinguish between matters of principle and matters of preference, but only if we have a wise interplay between time and truth, between minutes and morality." - Neal A. Maxwell
"Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound. The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set. This is true of earthly as of heavenly things. Even the man whose object is to acquire wealth must be prepared to make great personal sacrifices before he can accomplish his object; and how much more so he who would realize a strong and well-poised life." - James Allen
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Done and Done
The procedure went extremely well. Although it will take at least a few weeks for the swelling to subside and get my sinuses wholly mucked out, I can already breathe far better. My sense of smell has also improved, although that is clearly something of a double-edged sword. Regardless, both of my surgeons did a masterful job, as I have nothing in the way of discernible bruising and am virtually pain free (the Vicodin was once again not required).
Even though it'll be several months before I'd go so far as to declare myself fully healed, if present trends are any indication, I'll likely be feeling like a million bucks in relatively short order. I still have a few follow-up appointments to make good on, but I'm incredibly pleased to finally be done and able to bookend my surgical experiences on such a positive note.
Even though it'll be several months before I'd go so far as to declare myself fully healed, if present trends are any indication, I'll likely be feeling like a million bucks in relatively short order. I still have a few follow-up appointments to make good on, but I'm incredibly pleased to finally be done and able to bookend my surgical experiences on such a positive note.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Four-Year Anniversary
I've thought about resuming my digital prattling for a while now, and tonight seems like a particularly fitting time to do so. This progress report is something of a mixed bag, but I've clearly made positive net gains in all directions: My pectorals have both healed up reasonably well, but they've still got a ways to go in terms of general strengthening; my patellar tendon discomfort is now entirely confined to the "good sore" brought about by my eccentrically-focused rehabilitative/prehabilitative regimen (forevermore referred to as re/prehab), although at least a couple more months of "good behavior" will likely be required before I feel confident in resuming higher impact exercise; and even my rather tenacious tennis elbow is gradually succumbing to a combination of consistent forearm work, stretching, and myofascial release.
I'd be remiss in claiming complete victory over all my soft tissue injuries at this point, but persistence coupled with "all due discretion" in program design seems to be a winning formula, and keeping a consistent focus on active recovery, massage, and other restorative techniques in tandem with exercise is slowly but surely winning the day.
In other news, I'll be having my final corrective surgery later this month. In this case two tag-teaming ENTs (ear, nose and throat specialists) will be righting my almost laughably deviated septum and unblocking the sinuses above my right eye, which should vastly improve my ability to breathe and perhaps even allow for a semi-normal sense of smell. Realigning the septum is probably at least somewhat optional, although it may be playing a major role in my existing sinus blockage, but "unplugging" my sinuses is a definite must. (While I can't presently do the explanation any justice, it was made very clear to me that not having this structural correction would invariably cause major problems later in life.)
I'm hesitant to speculate about the expected discomfort level for this one, but if a recent eye procedure is any indication, I may be in for a rather un-fun time. Regardless, wrapping up any and all surgical necessities while I'm young and still insured under at least one of my parents seems prudent, and despite my tendency to procrastinate in certain areas, it would be foolish to waste the relative leeway that the "college life" affords me by putting anything off until later.
Otherwise, that'll be enough for today. I'll keep this updated in the aftermath of my upcoming surgery, but most of my postings from here on out will (hopefully) have a decidedly non-surgical spin to them.
I'd be remiss in claiming complete victory over all my soft tissue injuries at this point, but persistence coupled with "all due discretion" in program design seems to be a winning formula, and keeping a consistent focus on active recovery, massage, and other restorative techniques in tandem with exercise is slowly but surely winning the day.
In other news, I'll be having my final corrective surgery later this month. In this case two tag-teaming ENTs (ear, nose and throat specialists) will be righting my almost laughably deviated septum and unblocking the sinuses above my right eye, which should vastly improve my ability to breathe and perhaps even allow for a semi-normal sense of smell. Realigning the septum is probably at least somewhat optional, although it may be playing a major role in my existing sinus blockage, but "unplugging" my sinuses is a definite must. (While I can't presently do the explanation any justice, it was made very clear to me that not having this structural correction would invariably cause major problems later in life.)
I'm hesitant to speculate about the expected discomfort level for this one, but if a recent eye procedure is any indication, I may be in for a rather un-fun time. Regardless, wrapping up any and all surgical necessities while I'm young and still insured under at least one of my parents seems prudent, and despite my tendency to procrastinate in certain areas, it would be foolish to waste the relative leeway that the "college life" affords me by putting anything off until later.
Otherwise, that'll be enough for today. I'll keep this updated in the aftermath of my upcoming surgery, but most of my postings from here on out will (hopefully) have a decidedly non-surgical spin to them.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Hiatus...
As is probably obvious, I'm taking something of a blogging break. I've been really buckling down and trying to bring my pectoral and patellar issues into line, so I'm sliding the blog to the back burner for now. The sense of perpetual entrapment that comes with unyielding injury is tiresome, but my situation will not be improved by my digital soapbox moments. As such, I'll leave off with this:
"If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self." - Napoleon Hill
Monday, June 11, 2007
Three-Year Anniversary
Last Friday was the three-year anniversary of my accident, and while I don't mean to belabor the obvious, I can't help but reflect on what I've found to be a very important truism: nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Although hardship may not be an equal opportunity employer, life will challenge us all in some way, and it is the act of rising to and then surmounting those difficulties that gives our lives meaningful shape.
Sound clichéd? Perhaps. But I prefer to think of it as one of those truths whose obviousness is essential to its widespread anonymity. Whenever any meaningful degree of frustration rears its ugly head, I find myself returning to that very maxim to shore up my typical stoicism.
However, don't mistake my ramblings as applying only to cases of severe injury or hardship. The realization that anything worth doing is going to require a very real and active investment of self is something that transcends the entire spectrum of potential difficulty; it is a powerful and perhaps daunting fact, but I honestly consider it to be one of the best and most realistic ways to prepare yourself for the thornier side of life.
If overcoming adversity in its many forms were easy, then what accomplishment could possibly be worthwhile? Honestly, I find great comfort in this reality, as it makes any personal victory--regardless of size--far sweeter. Ultimately, while I may have little choice, I prefer to earn my victories.
Sound clichéd? Perhaps. But I prefer to think of it as one of those truths whose obviousness is essential to its widespread anonymity. Whenever any meaningful degree of frustration rears its ugly head, I find myself returning to that very maxim to shore up my typical stoicism.
However, don't mistake my ramblings as applying only to cases of severe injury or hardship. The realization that anything worth doing is going to require a very real and active investment of self is something that transcends the entire spectrum of potential difficulty; it is a powerful and perhaps daunting fact, but I honestly consider it to be one of the best and most realistic ways to prepare yourself for the thornier side of life.
If overcoming adversity in its many forms were easy, then what accomplishment could possibly be worthwhile? Honestly, I find great comfort in this reality, as it makes any personal victory--regardless of size--far sweeter. Ultimately, while I may have little choice, I prefer to earn my victories.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Knees, Pecs, and Bronchoscopies...
As a quick point of clarification, my PCL is loose by virtue of being partially torn; additionally, I mischaracterized the PCL's role to a certain extent, as it could more appropriately be described as preventing posterior femoral movement in relation to the tibia. I don't have the formal education necessary to really rattle my semantic physiological saber, but I still like to correct myself when and where possible.
My understanding of the injury was clarified by my new PT, who has served me with a license to abuse myself through various strengthening exercises and proprioceptive and balance work. Color me pleased, as it's incredibly enjoyable to be given a proverbial green light in at least part of my workout regimen.
Also, I've shed my somewhat ad hoc cross-tendon braces (ace bandages are amazingly versatile) far earlier than expected and started eccentrically loading my patellar tendons. That fits nicely into my present strengthening regimen, but it's especially satisfying to drop the "crutch" of constantly bracing myself.
Although it's certainly quite weak, my right pec seems to have finally healed up. I'm still babying it somewhat, as I'd like to avoid any relapses into injury, but I'm holding off on any direct strength work until the same can be said for my left side; I already have enough unilateral discrepancies, so I'll wait until I can recruit both sides without pain before starting on any pectoral rehab work.
I've also recently undergone yet another bronchoscopy to check my airway for signs of stenosis, and, as before, things are all clear. Because of my string of positive showings post-stint removal, I'll no longer need to get scoped yearly; instead, I can simply see the good doctor annually to have some (relatively) simple breathing tests done to check for any indicators of trouble.
Good news all around, so I'll wrap it at that.
My understanding of the injury was clarified by my new PT, who has served me with a license to abuse myself through various strengthening exercises and proprioceptive and balance work. Color me pleased, as it's incredibly enjoyable to be given a proverbial green light in at least part of my workout regimen.
Also, I've shed my somewhat ad hoc cross-tendon braces (ace bandages are amazingly versatile) far earlier than expected and started eccentrically loading my patellar tendons. That fits nicely into my present strengthening regimen, but it's especially satisfying to drop the "crutch" of constantly bracing myself.
Although it's certainly quite weak, my right pec seems to have finally healed up. I'm still babying it somewhat, as I'd like to avoid any relapses into injury, but I'm holding off on any direct strength work until the same can be said for my left side; I already have enough unilateral discrepancies, so I'll wait until I can recruit both sides without pain before starting on any pectoral rehab work.
I've also recently undergone yet another bronchoscopy to check my airway for signs of stenosis, and, as before, things are all clear. Because of my string of positive showings post-stint removal, I'll no longer need to get scoped yearly; instead, I can simply see the good doctor annually to have some (relatively) simple breathing tests done to check for any indicators of trouble.
Good news all around, so I'll wrap it at that.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Knee Troubles Update...
I had an appointment with a local orthopedist this afternoon, and although I have something of a mixed bag of good and bad news, the positives certainly outweigh the negatives.
I don't have any ligament tears to speak of, but I do have a "loose PCL" on my left side. As the doctor indicated, my PCL is failing to prevent posterior (backward) movement of my tibia (shin bone). The occasional shifting sensation is rather uncomfortable, but it's not painful or representative of any major knee instability in my case; instead, it's a long-undiagnosed byproduct of the blunt force trauma from my accident.
In other good news, I should be hitting the rehab circuit soon for a few weeks of *insert doctor's orders here*. I'm not sure what that will entail exactly, but I don't expect the rehabilitative paradigm to be rocked anytime soon, especially since I can't exactly rehab this injury away. Regardless, I'm still looking forward to meeting yet another new therapist (really; I'm serious).
As alluded to above, this isn't something that's just going to "get better," and I am a poor candidate for PCL surgery for two very important reasons: knee stability is not significantly compromised by the looseness (remember, it's not torn), and I'm no upper-echelon athlete indulging in any of the more physically abusive (and abrupt) sports and activities that need a knee as close to physiological perfection as possible.
Instead, I should brace it when and where appropriate and avoid--although this one seemed pretty obvious--any extreme lower-body twisting motions and be careful with other, more conservative movements (certain stances and the like come to mind). Fortunately this is pretty weak bad news, as I had never really planned on indulging in any crazy rotational plyometric work anyway. Still, this is all good to know and will help me to better plan my short- and long-term workout goals around my unique biomechanical limitations.
This recent revelation aside, I still need to focus on getting my knee feeling better if I'm to begin eccentrically tackling my patellar issues. Additionally, I could almost consider myself at that precious (and presently hypothetical) "baseline of health" if I can also manage to tame my tennis elbow and pectoral issues in the coming months, but I'll focus on the boon of not needing knee surgery for now.
I don't have any ligament tears to speak of, but I do have a "loose PCL" on my left side. As the doctor indicated, my PCL is failing to prevent posterior (backward) movement of my tibia (shin bone). The occasional shifting sensation is rather uncomfortable, but it's not painful or representative of any major knee instability in my case; instead, it's a long-undiagnosed byproduct of the blunt force trauma from my accident.
In other good news, I should be hitting the rehab circuit soon for a few weeks of *insert doctor's orders here*. I'm not sure what that will entail exactly, but I don't expect the rehabilitative paradigm to be rocked anytime soon, especially since I can't exactly rehab this injury away. Regardless, I'm still looking forward to meeting yet another new therapist (really; I'm serious).
As alluded to above, this isn't something that's just going to "get better," and I am a poor candidate for PCL surgery for two very important reasons: knee stability is not significantly compromised by the looseness (remember, it's not torn), and I'm no upper-echelon athlete indulging in any of the more physically abusive (and abrupt) sports and activities that need a knee as close to physiological perfection as possible.
Instead, I should brace it when and where appropriate and avoid--although this one seemed pretty obvious--any extreme lower-body twisting motions and be careful with other, more conservative movements (certain stances and the like come to mind). Fortunately this is pretty weak bad news, as I had never really planned on indulging in any crazy rotational plyometric work anyway. Still, this is all good to know and will help me to better plan my short- and long-term workout goals around my unique biomechanical limitations.
This recent revelation aside, I still need to focus on getting my knee feeling better if I'm to begin eccentrically tackling my patellar issues. Additionally, I could almost consider myself at that precious (and presently hypothetical) "baseline of health" if I can also manage to tame my tennis elbow and pectoral issues in the coming months, but I'll focus on the boon of not needing knee surgery for now.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Photographs: Part 3
I'm reluctant to post pictures of either the doe or her fawn at this point, as they are quite graphic and--despite my tendencies towards full disclosure--I don't see the purpose of showcasing that degree of carnage.
Instead, these are pictures of the truck/trailer combo that I veered into after hitting the deer. As previously mentioned, the vehicle's occupants (thankfully) suffered no serious injury, but my Saturn SL1 was never destined to fare particularly well against anything this large...
Instead, these are pictures of the truck/trailer combo that I veered into after hitting the deer. As previously mentioned, the vehicle's occupants (thankfully) suffered no serious injury, but my Saturn SL1 was never destined to fare particularly well against anything this large...
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Knee Troubles...
Well, I seem to have screwed up my left knee this past Monday. It appears as if switching up my typical free-standing bodyweight squats with ones done against the wall with a physioball is a bad idea, as the lack of true balancing seems to allow me to lapse into poor form without fully realizing it. Apparently my knee didn't appreciate that type of shearing force, so I've set up a doctor's appointment for this coming Tuesday, where I can hopefully get at least a general idea as to what I've done to myself. He or she will only be a general practitioner, but they can at least assess the obvious and prescribe an MRI if need be. Hopefully it's nothing severe, but I'll do the usual: hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
As the saying goes, two steps forward, one step back. Or perhaps it was the other way around?
As the saying goes, two steps forward, one step back. Or perhaps it was the other way around?
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Photographs: Part 2
As promised, here is another set of photos that were selected to more specifically showcase the car's damage up-close. But as another point of clarification, most (emphasis on "most") of the carnage strewn about the car's interior is from the deer; that is, for example, the deer's heart ejected onto the floor of the passenger side, but the blood saturation on the left side of the driver's seat is all me. You can also see a pair of seemingly-intact Adidas Sambas in the vehicle, and I honestly think it unfortunate that they were never recovered.
With very few exceptions, the pictures are only going to become progressively more graphic from here on out; if you're bothered by blood, stray animal tissues, involuntary organ donation, or anything similarly unsettling, do yourself a favor and don't view any more of the picture posts.
Anyway...
With very few exceptions, the pictures are only going to become progressively more graphic from here on out; if you're bothered by blood, stray animal tissues, involuntary organ donation, or anything similarly unsettling, do yourself a favor and don't view any more of the picture posts.
Anyway...
Orthopedic Update...
I forgot to mention this, but the February checkup with my orthopedic surgeon went very well; my right femur is entirely healed--the bone stim, raw milk, and heavily eccentric squatting did the trick--and I have been officially discharged from yet another "major player" in my steadily-declining medical entourage.
To be clear, it is not at all that any doctor at any stage of the process has been unnecessary or inadequate, but this doctor in particular is one of the medical "all stars" that has been absolutely instrumental in putting me back together; as happy as I am to have wrapped on my foreseeable orthopedic endeavors, it is at least somewhat bittersweet, as this doctor and his staff were a genuine pleasure to work with (and be worked on by).
In other good news, my surgeon clued me in to Wolff's law when I informed him that I no longer desired any orthopedic intervention to remove the myositis ossificans in my left quadriceps. Honestly, Wikipedia does a better job of summing it up than I ever could (emphasis added):
To be clear, it is not at all that any doctor at any stage of the process has been unnecessary or inadequate, but this doctor in particular is one of the medical "all stars" that has been absolutely instrumental in putting me back together; as happy as I am to have wrapped on my foreseeable orthopedic endeavors, it is at least somewhat bittersweet, as this doctor and his staff were a genuine pleasure to work with (and be worked on by).
In other good news, my surgeon clued me in to Wolff's law when I informed him that I no longer desired any orthopedic intervention to remove the myositis ossificans in my left quadriceps. Honestly, Wikipedia does a better job of summing it up than I ever could (emphasis added):
Wolff's law is a theory developed by the German Anatomist/Surgeon Julius Wolff (1835-1902) in the 19th century that states that bone in a healthy person or animal will adapt to the loads it is placed under. If loading on a particular bone increases, the bone will remodel itself over time to become stronger to resist that sort of loading. The converse is true as well: if the loading on a bone decreases, the bone will be adapted and become weaker.That's good to hear, as my undesired "extra" bone will gradually remodel itself over time and at least partially wear down, which will certainly ease the biomechanical discomfort of having an irregularly shaped lump of bone taking up residence in my musculature.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Photographs: Part 1
Even though I like to think that my narrative skills have painted a sufficiently vivid picture, I've mulled over the prospects of posting photographs for some time; consequently, my decision to do so is not an effort to establish further credibility amongst my scant readership, as I offer my story and related musings on an "as is" basis; I feel no need or desire to "prove" that what I claim is fact, but I do feel that certain choice pictures can create a far more tangible effect than what mere words can accomplish.
I will post subsequent pictorials at some point in the next few weeks, but I've opted for broader shots here to characterize the general devastation.
I will post subsequent pictorials at some point in the next few weeks, but I've opted for broader shots here to characterize the general devastation.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Pulmonology and Massage...
I'm a little late in getting this up, but the checkup with my pulmonologist was very positive; I'll still get scoped sometime this summer, but after a series of abbreviated breathing tests, it was determined that my airways and lungs are perfectly clear and my overall pulmonary health has returned to normal levels.
That's an excellent development, and the news of further bronchoscopies was neither surprising nor disheartening; barring any unprecedented leaps in medical technology (molecular nanotechnology, anyone?), I've always known that I'll require consistent endoscopic examination due to the dangers of recurring bronchial stenosis, so calling such a revelation "news" is probably a misnomer.
In other news, a good friend of mine also happens to be an incredibly talented masseuse, and she and I were finally able to get together last Tuesday, where she proceeded to both demonstrate her occupational talents and avail me of interesting and insightful conversation. Not only did she alleviate a great deal of my rotator cuff, pectoral, and upper back pains, but she also worked my shoulders through a previously unattainable range of motion, which really did wonders for my pain level. We're planning on meeting on a weekly basis for the foreseeable future, so suffice it to say that I'm really looking forward to my weekly sessions and eagerly await this Thursday's massage.
That's an excellent development, and the news of further bronchoscopies was neither surprising nor disheartening; barring any unprecedented leaps in medical technology (molecular nanotechnology, anyone?), I've always known that I'll require consistent endoscopic examination due to the dangers of recurring bronchial stenosis, so calling such a revelation "news" is probably a misnomer.
In other news, a good friend of mine also happens to be an incredibly talented masseuse, and she and I were finally able to get together last Tuesday, where she proceeded to both demonstrate her occupational talents and avail me of interesting and insightful conversation. Not only did she alleviate a great deal of my rotator cuff, pectoral, and upper back pains, but she also worked my shoulders through a previously unattainable range of motion, which really did wonders for my pain level. We're planning on meeting on a weekly basis for the foreseeable future, so suffice it to say that I'm really looking forward to my weekly sessions and eagerly await this Thursday's massage.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Checkups '07...
I'll be having my normal retinue of checkups over the next couple months, starting with my pulmonologist this Friday. It's likely that I'll be getting another bronchoscopy sometime this year, so I'm guessing that I'll be scoped again in the coming months (perhaps during Spring Break?).
I'm also slated to see my orthopedic surgeon on the 28th of this month, which could very well mark the conclusion of my bone stim usage--assuming bone growth is as expected around the osteotomy site. Although my femur obviously doesn't feel any different structurally, I'm reasonably confident of a positive verdict this time around, as I've worn that accursed stim pretty reliably (easily greater than 90% of the prescribed time). I'll also recruit him to take a semi-official look at my pec and shoulder issues, as he should be able to more or less verify that I dodged a bullet this time around.
And although it's presently being rescheduled, I'll likely be in to see my neural ophthalmologist at some point in March, where I can look forward to some ridiculously dilated pupils accompanied by excruciatingly bright lights.
I'm also slated to see my orthopedic surgeon on the 28th of this month, which could very well mark the conclusion of my bone stim usage--assuming bone growth is as expected around the osteotomy site. Although my femur obviously doesn't feel any different structurally, I'm reasonably confident of a positive verdict this time around, as I've worn that accursed stim pretty reliably (easily greater than 90% of the prescribed time). I'll also recruit him to take a semi-official look at my pec and shoulder issues, as he should be able to more or less verify that I dodged a bullet this time around.
And although it's presently being rescheduled, I'll likely be in to see my neural ophthalmologist at some point in March, where I can look forward to some ridiculously dilated pupils accompanied by excruciatingly bright lights.
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